Are Women (And Men) Of A Certain Age Invisible?
Have you ever felt as if you were invisible? I mean people look past you as if you aren't even there.
I've noticed this for some time now. After all, I'm a woman of a certain age (60). But I bet it happens to men too. America is a youth obsessed society. Pretty, young people get noticed. Not middle aged or senior citizens. Unless maybe you're rich, or famous, or both.
It may sound like I’m complaining, but I'm really not. I was never beautiful, but in my 20's I could sometimes pull off pretty. (Young anyway.) Enough so that I got a lot of unwanted attention. Mostly from old men. And by old I mean 40+.
This was back in the 1980's and early 1990's. Long before the Me Too movement. When men at work, and elsewhere, could say inappropriate things and women had to laugh it off. "Don't make waves." "It might harm your career."
I was one of the lucky ones though. No sexual assault. Just some mild harassment. A comment here, a pat there. And ogling. Mustn't forget the ogling. Just enough to make you uncomfortable, but not enough to complain about.
Ironically, now that I finally have the confidence and experience to stand up to this kind of behavior, nobody's interested. Except maybe that old guy in a motorized cart at the grocery store. (As I’ve gotten older, so have my admirers.) But no, for the most part, I’m invisible. And I like it that way.
I can understand how it would be more difficult for a beautiful woman (or handsome man) who identified as such. Or, who at least was used to all the attention. But that wasn't my situation.
Back to women of a certain age. I read something recently that discussed how there has been a surge in women over 55 thriving, and succeeding, in their careers. And why not? Kids are grown. No pregnancies or periods to slow us down. We're more focused. We also now have all this time for our own needs.
(I find it interesting that about the time women are finding their postmenopausal freedom, men are having their midlife crises. Coincidence?)
Maybe some of these women don't want to retire, or can't afford to. I always thought I would be one of them. I would just keep working until I couldn't. Instead, I took early retirement from the corporate world, and my current "career" is really more of a hobby or passion. But I love it.
I now write. For fun. As much or as little as I want. About whatever I want. All in the comfort of my own home. No commute. No real deadlines. No stress. Oh, and I'm my own boss so I call the shots.
See, there are compensations to aging. Even if I’m now invisible. But looking back, was I ever seen? I mean yes, my family and friends saw me. But those looks from strangers in my youth weren't really about me. It was more because I was young and semi-pretty. They didn't know me, the real me. That's not what most of them were interested in anyway.
And was it really all that many who were looking? When we're that age, we think we're the center of the world, and everybody is looking at us. It's only as we get older that we realize everyone is as self-involved as we are.
We’re all that way to some extent, don't you think? We’ll look people over and dismiss them with one part of our brain, while we think of something else more important. Like, do I need eggs?
So okay yes, older people are invisible. But I say embrace it. It’s rather liberating really. You can be your authentic self and stop worrying about what others think about you.
You’re free to fail. Free to take risks. You can wear what you want. Let your hair go gray. Grow a bushy beard. Get a tattoo. Why not? Nobody’s looking.
What do you think? Do you disagree? Is there something you do to remain visible?